


Keeping a Secret

by makototouchmybanana



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Alternate Universe - 1910s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Banter, But only a little, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Heteronormativity, Language of Flowers, M/M, Master/Servant, Not in a kinky way though, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phil is a servant at the Howell family manor, Slow Burn, except not really because it's 1910, if my asexual ass is up for it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-10 11:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14735729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makototouchmybanana/pseuds/makototouchmybanana
Summary: Something told Dan that he should approach this new servant by himself. He felt strangely drawn to him, in a way. Like this meeting would have a big impact, but only if he could carry it out on his own.That, or he had spent a little too much time staring down at him from the library window.-In a time where love between two men was unheard of, Dan finds himself enamored by the newest addition to the Howell Manor staff. All he knows is that Phil makes him feel happier than he's been since he was a child, and he'd do anything to stay with him for another day.





	1. Daffodil

**Author's Note:**

> Daffodil -New Beginnings

Dan ran his finger along the frayed edges of _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ . Sunlight shone down through the partly-cloudy skies in rays, giving the pages a poetic golden glow. His mother had bought the book for him back when it was first printed, nearly ten years ago. He’d read it until the spine cracked and the cover was worn, completely entranced by the magical places and people Dorothy encountered. Although he'd lost his childlike optimism in his teen years, Dan still fondly remembered the times where he had carried _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ under his arm wherever he went. The story never failed to comfort him, reminding him that happiness and excitement were still out there somewhere, waiting for him to find them. He often found himself reaching for its all-too-familiar spot on the bookshelf whenever he felt sad or alone. Which, during these past few gloomy months, had been often.

 But today, he found his attention drifting away from his beloved book and out of the library window. One of the Howell family cars had disappeared this morning, only to return a few hours later with a young man that Dan had never seen before. He couldn’t decipher much about the stranger, having hid himself away in the highest floor of Howell Manor, but Dan could see that he had thick, black hair and wore similar clothes to his father’s servants. He must’ve been a new employee of some kind.

 “Louise?” Dan called without looking away from the strange young man. He was kneeling in one of the flowerbeds that lined the front of the mansion, pulling weeds from the wet dirt. “Who is that?”

 “Who?” The young maid stopped dusting the grand piano and shuffled across the room to look over Dan’s shoulder. She squinted out the large window, concern lining her features. Her face relaxed in recognition when she figured out who Dan was referring to. “Oh, him? He's the new gardener. After William retired, your father decided to hire another one straight away. It is springtime, after all. Can’t have the yard looking a mess when it’s prime blooming season!” She paused. “Why? Would you like me to go fetch him for you?”

 “No,” Dan declined, a bit too quickly. “I mean, I'll go speak to him on my own. Thank you.”

 “Oh, someone’s feeling a bit outgoing today.” Louise ruffled Dan’s mop of curly brown hair. “Are you sure you don’t want me to introduce you two?”

 Dan sighed. “I’m eighteen, Louise. I’m perfectly capable of talking to people on my own.”

  _Lies._

 “Whatever you say, dear.” Louise gave Dan one last pat and returned to her work. She wiped the last bit of dust off the piano with a satisfied huff. “Come find me if you need any assistance.”

 “I will. And stop calling me ‘dear’. You're not _that_ much older than me, you know.”

 “Oh, I know.”

 Dan put his book aside and began the long trek down the endless flights of stairs. Louise was sweet and could hold a conversation with just about anybody, but something told Dan that he should approach this new servant by himself. He felt strangely drawn to him, in a way. Like this meeting would have a big impact, but only if he could carry it out on his own.

 That, or he had spent a little too much time staring down at him from the library window.

 -

 Dan hesitantly peeked out from behind the enormous wooden doors. Now that he was actually here, he wasn’t sure of why he’d felt the need to come down in the first place, let alone what he’d say if he approached the stranger. He watched as he hunched over the flowerbeds, muttering to himself while plunging his hands into the ground and throwing dead plant material to the side. He seemed to be older than Dan, but not more than a few four or five years. However, he was much more fit compared to Dan’s scrawny, lanky frame. Even though he was standing a good few meters away, Dan could tell that he had broad shoulders, and a strong back to match.

  _BANG!_

 Dan flinched as the doors slammed shut behind him. The stranger bolted upright with a frightened yelp and spun around to see where the noise had come from. Their eyes locked, and Dan felt himself drowning in the striking blue of the stranger’s gaze. His skin was pale, which was surprising, given his job, and his face was framed with blocky, black hair.

 “Hello?” the stranger raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you mister…”

 “Oh, yes! Sorry.” Dan stammered. He hurried down the last three stone steps and practically sprinted across the yard so he could stand a proper conversational distance from the other man. He stuck out his hand awkwardly. “Howell. Dan Howell.”

 The stranger took his hand in a firm handshake. His palms and fingers were rough and calloused. “Pleased to meet you, Mister How-”

 He froze mid-sentence, eyes widening in mortified recognition.

  _Oh no._

 “Young Master Howell! My apologies sir, I should’ve known.” He dipped his head in a slight bow.

 “No!” Dan blurted. His grip on the stranger’s hand tightened.

 The stranger glanced back up. “...Excuse me?”

 Dan flushed, embarrassed by his sudden outburst. “No,” he repeated, softer this time. “Call me Dan. I’m not really one for formalities.”

 The stranger smiled. Dan felt like he was being warmed by the sun. “Of course. I’m Philip Lester, the new gardener. You can call me Phil, if you’d like.”

 Dan nodded. Now that he wasn’t so flustered, he had a moment to get a proper first impression of the new gardener. They were about the same height, but there was something about Phil that felt more commanding, like Dan should be the one serving him and not the other way around. It could be because he was clearly older and physically stronger. Or it could be that, even though they’d just met, Dan was strangely drawn to him. They didn’t have anything else to talk about, but Dan didn’t want to tear himself away from his presence. Not just yet.

 “So, Dan.” Phil shifted from one foot to the other, bringing Dan’s train of thought back down to Earth. “Is there something I can do for you?”

 Dan said the first thing that came to mind.

 “Flowers.”

 “Come again?”

 “Flowers. The ones that are in the library right now are wilting.” Dan gestured to the large window on the top floor, the one he had just been watching Phil from a few minutes ago. “I would like you to replace them. Only when you have the time, of course.”

 “Will do. Is there anything you’d like them to say?”

 Dan cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

 “Every flower represents a different emotion, Dan.” Phil’s gaze drifted to the flowerbed beside them. He brushed over many multicolored buds before plucking one from the ground. It was a smaller flower with white petals and a yellow center. “Friendship, romance, heartbreak, unconditional love. Anything you could think of, really.” He turned back to Dan, offering him the flower with an outstretched hand. “I think it’s very interesting.”

 Dan took the little gift gingerly, as if it were made of glass. “What does this one represent?”

 “It’s a daffodil.” Phil grinned. “It means new beginnings.”

 Dan smiled in return, rolling the stem between his fingertips. “I like that.”


	2. Calla Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan had read hundreds of books throughout his life. He’d read about dragons and wizards, gods and magic, and yet not a single book, not even the most outrageous fantasies, featured two boys who were in love. 
> 
> Yes, that had to be it. He was just confused. Boys couldn’t love other boys; that kind of relationship simply didn’t exist. 
> 
> Dan ignored how disappointed he felt by his conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calla Lily -Beauty

Books may have been what Dan turned to when he needed a distraction, but music was what he leaned on when he needed to think. And Dan had been doing an awful lot of thinking lately.

He settled down on the piano bench and began to pluck out a familiar melody. The delicate lullaby drifted throughout the library, echoing the nature of Dan’s train of thought. Pondering, soft. Something whimsical, like looking at the stars and remembering how small you are, letting all your worries disappear. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

_ Phil. _

That’s what, or rather who, Dan’s mind had been so preoccupied with these past few days. Music helped him block out all of his confusion and inner turmoil and allowed him to focus on how he felt. How he  _ truly _ felt. How he was drawn to Phil, and how their strange connection was growing stronger every day. How he missed him when he lay in bed by himself at night. How making him laugh filled him to the brim with pride. How he’d never been to the ocean, but his eyes made him feel like he was there, pulling him in like the tide. How he listened with rapt attention every time he spoke. How, on the rare occasion they shared a friendly touch, his skin burned like it was on fire.

_ Could it be... _

A chord with each note played individually, one after the other, like a twinkle in the sky.

_...love? _

Dan shook his head. He’d never experienced love. Not the romantic kind, at least. Sure, he loved his parents, and he loved his friend Louise, but this was different. This was the kind of thing he’d only read about in his books. Before he met Phil, he’d found it all ridiculous- the constant blushing, the touches that ignited a spark, the longing gazes. The romanticized idea of being in love seemed so unrealistic and cheesey that he tended to avoid romance novels entirely to distance himself from it. And yet, here he was today, living out every single overused trope. All except for one, anyway. In the books he had read, boys fell in love with girls, not other boys. He’d never heard of two boys being in love, not even from his most distant family members or the strangers his mother invited to parties. Was it even possible for them to be together? Was something wrong with him for feeling this way?

Girls were okay. They were soft and pretty and smelled nice, and he didn’t mind humoring them with a dance if they seemed interested in him. If he so desired, Dan would have no trouble finding a girl he liked decently, and he’d be content enough settling down with her like his family expected him to. But not a single girl he had met so far made him feel the way Phil did. Phil made him feel giddy and excited, but also safe. He could be himself around him. He had the comfort and distraction of books and the energy and soothing power of music combined, only so much better.

Maybe he was just confused. He liked the way he felt when he was around Phil, yes, but that could just be some sort of newly-found friend infatuation. He’d never been in love, after all. He’d never even fancied someone in a romantic way before; how would he know what loving someone felt like? Besides that, Dan had read hundreds of books throughout his life. He’d read about dragons and wizards, gods and magic, and yet not a single book, not even the most outrageous fantasies, featured two boys who were in love.

Yes, that had to be it. He was just confused. Boys couldn’t love other boys; that kind of relationship simply didn’t exist.

Dan ignored how disappointed he felt by his conclusion.

“That was beautiful, Dan.”

Dan’s head snapped towards the familiar voice. None other than Phil stood in the library doorway, overalls stained with dirt and grass. He held a couple of white, vase-shaped flowers in his gloved hands. Dan swallowed thickly, forcing all of his troubling, unwanted feelings down.

“Thank you. I’ve been practicing often lately.” Dan nodded at the flowers. “Are those for me?”

“Uh, yes!” Phil scratched the back of his neck. He seemed distracted and a bit flustered, which was strange. Usually Dan was the awkward one. “I figured the daffodils would be dying by now.”

Dan glanced at the shriveled, wilting bouquet displayed on the grand piano. “Oh, you’re right! Bring them over, then.”

Phil obeyed, taking the dying flowers out of the crystal vase and putting the fresh ones in their place. “It’s funny. We’re both a bit bilingual, aren’t we?” He mused.

Dan pushed himself up off of the piano bench. He didn’t feel comfortable just sitting there while Phil was doing work for him, even if it was just replacing some dead plants. “What do you mean?”

“Well, my second language is flowers. And yours…” Phil looked up from the vase to meet Dan’s gaze. His eyes sparkled with something fond. “...seems to be music, Master Howell.”

Although Dan had asked him not to call him by his proper title when they first met, Phil still used it from time to time when he was in a teasing mood. Not that Dan minded. He loved teasing back.

“In that case, Mister Linguist, I could use a translator.” Dan crossed his arms with a faint smile. “What are these flowers saying? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Phil cleared his throat, pale cheeks turning a light pink. “These? These are calla lilies. They mean umm…” He paused. “Beauty. They mean beauty.”

Dan leaned back against the piano. He raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What kind of beauty?”

“Uhh, these ones are white, so they represent a pure and innocent kind of beauty, I believe.”

“Do you really think I’m pure and innocent?” Dan grinned.

“Well.” Phil stood up a little taller, the embarrassment from Dan’s initial question disappearing completely. His eyes scanned up and down Dan’s body before making the most intense direct eye contact Dan had ever experienced in his life. “We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”

As suddenly as he had appeared, Phil was gone. Dan was left alone with the smell of freshly cut flowers wafting surrounding him like a thick, blinding fog. He leaned his full weight against the piano, legs nearly giving out, feeling a little aroused and even more confused than he’d been before.

What the _ fuck _ .  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey folks!! sorry about how long it took to get this second chapter up. the first two months of summer were pretty busy for me, and writing zaps up a lot of my energy. august has been real boring so far though so maybe I'll be able to get some more stuff done. hope you're all doing well!

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first multi-chaptered work and I am.... a bit afraid not gonna lie. updates may take a while, so please bare with me!  
> also, I'm not an expert on flower meanings or england during the 1910s, so if I make any big mistakes don't be afraid to let me know so I can fix them!  
> the title is named after the song keeping a secret by bleachers, which is the most gay coded thing I've heard in my entire life besides the hit 2007 pixar film ratatouille.


End file.
